Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous
by Dudette13
Summary: Remus knew Tonks was too good for him. He accepted that. So why couldn't she? RLNT oneshot. Rated for minor language.


**A/N:** Here's a little piece I whipped up just now when I had nothing else to do. I've been meaning to write a Remus/Tonks fic for a while now, and this popped into my head. It's set on page 582 of HBP.

**Disclaimer:** If Harry Potter were mine, I wouldn't be writing this. I'd be shopping.

"You see!" yelled Tonks in a strained voice. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

Remus Lupin felt as though a bucket of icy cold water had been tipped on the top of his head. This discomfort spread entirely throughout his body, as he fought not to turn bright red. She couldn't be saying this. Not now. Not in front of everyone.

"It's… different." He mumbled in reply, finding it impossible to meet Tonks' eyes. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely-"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" shrieked Tonks. She seized the front of his robes and shook them as though attempting to alter his brain so he would see sense. "I've told you a million times…"

"And I've told _you_ a million times," said Remus "That I am too old for you, too poor… too dangerous…" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw comprehension dawning on Harry's face. But he didn't pay any attention. He was concentrating on the familiar, rotten feeling that reminded him painfully of when he had last had this discussion with her.

_ FLASHBACK _

There was a knock on Remus' door, even though it was well past the hours one would normally consider a polite time to call. There was only one person he could think of that would come by this late, and he hoped against hope that it wasn't her. But at the same time, he hoped with all his heart that it _was_ her.

He got up off the settee and opened his front door. He had been right; it was Tonks standing on his doorstep. She had large bags under her eyes, and her usually bright hair was mouse brown and un-brushed around her shoulders. Remus felt a pang of guilt. Though he had tried to convince himself that Tonks' losing her Metamorphmagus abilities was nothing to do with him, he knew that it was entirely his fault. And it made him feel terrible, seeing her in this state.

"Remus." She greeted tonelessly, nodding at him.

"Nymphadora." He replied awkwardly. It only worried him further when she didn't protest at his use of her first name. "Would you like to come inside?"

Tonks said nothing, but made a shrugging gesture that meant neither yes nor no. Remus therefore opened the door a little wider to let her into his house. He led the way to the small kitchen.

"Tea?" he asked, trying to make things as normal as possible. "I put the kettle on a couple of minutes ago."

"No thanks." She replied distractedly. Remus felt it would be impolite for him to have tea now, so he sat down opposite Tonks, dreading what he knew she was going to say.

"Look, Tonks…" he began, avoiding her gaze.

"No, Remus, _please_ just listen to what I have to say." said Tonks, staring him straight in the eye. Though her eyes lacked their old sparkle, they still looked determined. There would be no point in refusing her, she'd get her way in the end.

Remus sighed. "Alright."

"I _know_ you've already told me no, but can't you see I need you? Look at me, Remus. We're in the middle of a war and I've hardly noticed."

"I-" Remus started, but Tonks continued.

"I can't get to sleep anymore. I can't stop thinking about everything you've said. Remus, if you don't love me back then please, _please_ don't use these bullshit excuses and just say it."

Remus opened his mouth, but then closed it. He had to think for a long time about what he was going to say.

"They aren't excuses, Tonks." he said finally.

"Why do you always sound so… _impatient _when you're telling me that you're 'too old, poor and dangerous', then?" she asked

"Because I'm impatient with _myself_. I'm as much telling myself that I'm too old for you as I'm telling you. I have to keep drilling them into myself, because they're the only things keeping me from telling you exactly what you've told me!"

Tonks gaped at him with wide eyes. "What?" she asked faintly. Too late, Remus realised what he'd just admitted.

"Really?" Tonks asked.

"Yes." Remus sighed.

"Then why the hell didn't you say so?" she half-yelled.

"I was concerned for your safety."

"What do you mean? I'm so distracted right now; I'm not safe at all! I'm five times more clumsy than usual!"

"Nymphadora-"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! WHY WON'T YOU BLOODY WELL LET YOURSELF BE HAPPY FOR ONCE?" yelled Tonks.

Well, at least she was protesting about Remus calling her 'Nymphadora' again.

"I'm used to it." said Remus. "Even back when I was at Hogwarts, I would hardly let myself date, because I knew that if we ever got too close, I'd end up breaking her heart. And mine."

Tonks' expression softened. "Remus, I'm sorry." she said. "But my heart - it's already breaking. And if you feel anywhere near as strongly as I do, you'll feel the same."

"I do." said Remus quietly. "But look around." he gestured to his small living room. "You deserve so much more than this. What am I but an old, unemployed werewolf?"

"A kind man. A helpful teacher. An intelligent person. A gentle soul. The man I love." replied Tonks. She didn't seem to understand.

"Tonks, I'm too poor!" he exclaimed in exasperation.

"_I'm _an Auror! Pay at the Ministry isn't that bad!"

"Too dangerous!"

"You can take wolfsbane!"

"Too old for you!"

"Not _that_ much!"

"Tonks!"

"_What?_"

"We can't." Remus said, his heart aching. "We just… can't."

Tonks just stared at him. Her eyes shone with unshed tears. Remus knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever cry in front of him unless it was truly serious.

"I don't need you to buy me expensive things." said Tonks steadily. "Just like I don't need a younger man. All I need is _you_. I need _you_ to kiss me, to hold me, to talk to me, to _love_ me."

Remus wanted to give Tonks all of that. He really, really did. But he knew he couldn't ruin her life by agreeing.

"_Please._" said Tonks, the tears now spilling from her eyes.

_ END FLASHBACK _

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus." said Molly from the corner. _Well, how would she know?_ Thought Remus with a small surge of anger.

"I am not being ridiculous. Tonks deserves someone young and whole." He replied slowly.

"But she wants you." said Arthur. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." He indicated Bill lying on the Hospital Wing bed. _He's right…_ Remus realised. But it still couldn't happen. And they couldn't be discussing this now! Quickly, he tried to change the subject.

"This is… not the moment to discuss it. Dumbledore is dead…"

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the word." said Minerva. Remus felt terrible. He realised what she was saying was true.

Hagrid lumbered in, but Remus hardly noticed. He was deep in thought, thinking of the possibilities. If he agreed with Tonks, she would be given so much less than she truly deserved. She would condemn herself to a poor and highly dangerous partner. But if he didn't agree with Tonks, he would feel miserable for the rest of his life. And so, he believed, would she.

Should he follow his head or his heart?

**A/N:** Well, there you go. That's it. Hope you liked it. Even if you didn't… review! I don't care if you say it sucks as much as a kid with a lollipop! Oh, and major thanks to PremzaWitchOfWeirdos for being my fantabulous BETA.


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